i WANNA KISS JORDAN SOO BAD!!!. . . .like i look at that picture and I just wanna go back in time and JUST KISS HIM!!!

I'm so like caught on this song by mariah carey which totally discribes me, its called one and only.  I can put this song to my whole entire love life lol and its kinda sad its like a reacurring thing.

I'm riding home in pain again, baby
But that don't mean shit to you
You're currently engaged
In an intimate conversation
With a young groupie or two
They say "Players only love you
When they're playing games"
Still, I gave my heart to you
I should have stayed away
Like my friends all told me to

Every time I turn around
I find my heart in pieces on the ground
So, so lonely
I'm lookin' for my one and only
Every time I turn around
I find my heart in pieces on the ground
Why can't I find my one and only

See, I'm looking for a man that'll rub me slow
Make me sing real high
When he goes down low
But see, it ain't just a physical thing
He's gotta treat me affectionately
And I gotta know he won't betray my trust
Just like every other motherfucker does
Is this just an impossible dream, baby
Too elusive to pursue
It's been such a sad and windy road for me
Just searchin' for the truth

Love always and always rockin \m/(~.~)\m/

Donny aka The Beaver

Currently Reading Fools Rush In : A True Story of Love, War, and Redemption By Bill Carter see related

 LONG TIME NO WRITE lol. . . .sry ppl but I dont keep up with this anymore I'm bored!!!  and its like WOAH!!! frustrating.  So I guess I'll tell you more about Flordia and my adventures there .  Andrea aka Karen is my bestest best friend in the whole entire WORLD thats her in the picture.  She is awesome I met her at the once in a lifetime tour with Matt.  Let me tell ya about Matt, he was VERY flamboyant and yeah it kinda got to me but we were friends never the less. Later on Matt was good to have around when your drunk.  Karen and Matt hit it off GREAT. . .then. . their fall was GREAT!!! too.  Gosh they hated eachother all because of this bitch Caressa ok yeah I had my time with her too you know she was like EVIL.  When your around her she makes you BAD its like you start being HArsh to everyone AND let me tell ya Jamie, Matt and Caressa all together was like the Three horseman of the Apocolyps and with me it was four but with me it lasted for a week cuz Karen brought me back down to earth Quick fast and in a hurry.. . As mississippi would say, "she got yo ass right togetha."  There was alot of guys in my life in Flordia it was like a basic I NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF MY SYSTEM kinda thing.  No feelings or anything its like Ok your hot and your only good for a one nighter (some of my friends say I had a boy in my bed all the time WHICH IS NOT TRUE).  I know it sounds bad but its the truth PLUS I'm bad anyways but im good at what I do. Certain ppl though I stupidly LET IN!!! and made that mistake and had feelings for.  You cant help it who your heart falls for.  I have to say with Charlie though it started off like Hell I dont want you but your hot and I need to get you out my system CUZ I knew he was a player too and he was "know" around Vista but I don't judge ppl.  Then I was like WEll maybe I could change him and I was like umm ummm. . ok. . .So out pops good ole donnys wallet.  I wanted to show him that there or ways to Respect yourself and your body and HELL its kinda like the movie "pretty woman" but charlie wasnt a hooker lol.  I gave up alot for him though for instance JORDAN. . gosh i loved that kid he is sooooo hot like he is on this level that NO one can touch and at the time I didnt know that Jordan didnt like Charlie because Charlie got jealous of Jordan and spread some rumors about him.  I wanted Jordan since the first time i saw him on January 28, 2005, but I was so scared to go up and talk to him.  Jordan though would tease me on the dance floor like no other. He would dance soo hotttt and provacative and have his eye on me the whole time and me I was like a deer in headlights everytime he did it.  I stopped dancing everytime he started doing what he does best and that was the Jordan shake. I would dwell at least 30 min to and hour after the club nights and be like You think Jordan wants me to go up to him or maybe he isnt the first one to make a move and SO on and So on.  Jordan was like a Celebrity to me.  On Valentines Day we saw him and he had on some beads everybody wanted some but he didnt give them any BUT he gave me and karen some . . and to tell the truth I slept with those beads that night.  I was like riding on cloud 9 that whole week. OHH shit let me get back to charlie cuz I can go on and on about Jordan lol anyways yeah so FINALLY one night I was getting Jordans number and charlie sees me and he comes up to me and ME im like umm trying to be like What . . hey BYE. . i dont hang with you.  That was because I had barley found out about Jordan not liking charlie and I CERTAINLY didnt want Jordan not liking me because of charlie so Jordan was like I dont like that fucker I'm gonna kick his ass. . .I was like Yeah i dont like him either lol.  After that and I dont know How charlie did it but he made me like him again.  I dont know whether it was the Bitchy attitude he had because let be honest WE all somehow one way or the other fall for some BIG ASSHOLES.  Its just something like DAMN I HATE YOU but I like you.  During this whole drama thing this guy who will remain nameless because its kinda a secret but hell everyone knows but i met him on the bus sometime in February and this kid reminded me of Jordan i think it was maybe the eyes.  We talked on the bus for awhile I was dressed up in a tie and stuff and he asked me was I going to work I said no I'm going to a class and I think im going to be late he told me oh dont worry you wont be late. So we continued talking and he told me where he was from and I told him where I was from, he told me where he worked and I told him where I worked then we talked about club paris and then we pulled in to west clock and I said im gonna be in the park later maybe I'll see ya in TM.  I WASnt late lol and I got back to vista and told karen that I met this guy and I think I like him and she was like GOSH DON here we go again.  Mind you this was before charlie lol.  I saw him on the bus 2 more times and I tried to ride it at the same time or around the same time as when I would see him on the bus but I never saw him on the bus anymore.  SO one night I was getting ready for Parliment House and it was me Jamie and someone else I dont know hell I drunk before we left but we were supposed to pick up Matt and matt's new friend him met.  We pull up at matt's apt. and we wait for the longest because matt was waiting on his new friend so finally we said the hell with it Matt we're leaving so matt asked his roommate if he could use his car to go pick his friend up and go to P house.  Well me and Jamie were watching the drag show and up comes matt with this his new friend. . . TURNS out that his new friend is the guy on the bus so me and the guy ok you know what we'll call the guy "the asian princess for short ap" even though he isnt asian at all.  So me and Ap are like we already know each other and matt's like oookay and hell Me I was drunk as helllllll I mean DRUNK and I was determined not to get kicked out the club this time. . .but it turns out that JAMIE gets kicked out the club and we ended up leaving early so I think thats when Ap put his number in my phone THEN charlie put his number in my phone. It was my friend pattie's birthday so she invited me and who ever to go to the hotel party she was throwing so I decide to invite Ap.  TURNS OUT that he also knows pattie and he was invited too.  It was turning into a Wow it must be FATE kinda thing and when we got there Matt lays on the floor and I get on top of matt and THIS IS WHAT THEY TELL ME HAPPENS because I dont really remember but they say I get on top of matt and start making out with him and this other guy was getting involved and Ap thought it was gross or something but I thought yeah that totally ruined any chance what so ever with Ap.  It didn't though the next day we hung out at MGM and pattie is the WORST communicator EVER like she made it seem like Ap. liked me but he didnt like the fact of that night at the hotel.  My hopes run High and then Ap. sneeks into vista and comes over to patties and then he is all hittin on Moquin and im like OKAY that it not gonna worry FUCK Ap. I still have Charlie and Jordan. I tell pattie that yeah I like him but I dont think that it would really work  . . and a couple of days later Charlie gets Terminated and leaves I get so Heart broken but that night me and Ap. do "stuff".  WHICH lead me to believe that hey maybe this kid likes me likes me so I open up and I knew he had someone but then again he made it seem like him and this guy weren't serious or you know in other words he was just "talking" to him.  To be continued. . . . I lost track of time and im running late for work LMAO. . .soon to be fired

Love always and always rockin \m/(~.~)\m/

Donny aka The Beaver

Currently Playing Don't Cha By Tori Alamaze see related

WELL. . . . .its march lol.   Having a blast here in Flordia.  Iris went back to Mcallen and I miss her.  Karen went to visit here "friends" in Missiouri but she is back now, she was gone for 5 whole days :(. . . .anyways while she was gone I stayed drunk 4 days out of that 5 lol :-p good ole Jack and coke and some sex on the beach.  So back on Jordan lol Yeah things are looking good with him.  One night at the club I was trying to avoid him kinda and move on. . . .well he didn't let that happen you see when I was dancing with Effie and Jess he walks into the club and me I turn the other way so I wouldn't see him and he taps me on the elbow and he says Hey whats up!.  Me I nearly melt lol.  It was getting hot in the club so we walk out and go to some more clubs when Effie decided she wasnt having any fun then she left but Jess stayed with me.  I get some water from the bartender and While I'm standing there Jordan is dancing in front of the stage where he usually does.  AGAIN I'm just at AWE at him so me a Jess go up and talk to him and everything he said he was going to Maniquins in a bit and we said yeah so are we after I get through drinking my water.  He leaves and we go into Maniquins we get on the dance floor and Jordan starts dancing beside us. . OK I DONT KNOW WHY HE WONT JUST DANCE WITH ME but he just TEASES ME which isnt a bad thing cuz its Jordan lol.  Me and Jess continue to dance while Jordan is doing the whole booty shake on the wall and looking at me like he wants me to just go up there and take him WHICH ONE DAY I WILL. . . . .. . give me time to build up the courage lol.  its now 2:00 and the clubs are closing. . .me not being satisfied with what I got from jordan decided to look for him.  Me and Jess find him talking to some girls and I acted like we where just getting out of Motions so it wouldnt look like I was looking for him.  I go up to him strike up a conversation and he is just SO adorable lol  I give him a hug and he is like I'll see you thursday and Friday is my birthday.  He was turning 19 which I knew he was 18 lol.  I was soo excited that I had just touched him let alone hug him.  Tue, Wends come and I'm trying to think of the perfect yet mild gift to get him because I dont know know jordan well enough to get him anything BIG!.  Me and my friends finally decide to get him a ring with a J on it.  Me and Karen both have one with our enitials on it lol.  Thursday rolls around and since karen was gone I didnt have a dance partner to dance with so I had to find someone else to go with.  Me and Michelle go and I'm leaning against the stage in motions you know kinda waiting for him  and stuff lol he comes in and gives me a hug and I'm all nervous AGAIN!!!  We talk and I say happy birthday and stuff then he goes off to dance lol. IT took me 2 and a half hours to finally give him the damn ring lol  when I did we were leaving because Michelle had to wake up early the next morning so it was basically all or nothing for me right then.  I see him and I signle him to come over and he does (MY KNEES ARE TREMBLING BY THIS TIME) I reach in my pocket and pull out the ring and I say, "hey I got you something for you b day its a ring with a J on it, its cute I think".  HE was so excited and he gave me the biggest HUG ever and I was riding on cloud 9 for the rest of the week till this last Sunday when I met Garet cute guy blond hair 17 to make a long story short that night we end up making out on the dance floor. . .but thats another story for another I HAVE NOTHING TO DO DAYS.   Hey another thing I miss all yall back home Mel Becky Becca and all yall keep in touch.  Byes

Love always and always rockin \m/(~.~)\m/

Donny aka The Beaver